O Christmas Tree

Yesterday we took the annual trek to get the Christmas tree.

This tradition invariably resembles the first 10-15 minutes of the movie National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Sans logging truck.

I started off the day by introducing Jude to the chore of the minon

checking and untangling the Christmas lights (mwhahaha I don’t have to do it anymore!)

We then proceeded in the truckster (with attached trailer as we were getting trees for 2 households) out to the Christmas tree farm. Now, I had told Jude that we were going to go to the woods and cut down a tree and put it in the living room. She looked at me like the crazy person I am (we all are) for wanting to do this. Then she pointed out the irony that we were driving for over a 1/2 hour through the woods (past trees, hello MOM) to go to “woods” to cut down trees. She lost interest quickly and demanded cheerios. Until we arrived.

I didn’t get the memo that all of central Maine decided that Sunday was the day for this activity. Never in 30 years have I EVER seen so many people at the tree farm. 2 years ago we were the only people there. Literally hundreds of people this year. Just wow.

Not only that but it was cold. Cold by Maine standards. ~20 degrees F with a wind chill that made it feel below Zero. Motivation to move quickly. I told Jude what we were going to do and actually in a stroke of good luck (or early hypothermia) we found THE TREE inside of 15 minutes. Then I informed Jude that her papa was going to cut it down for us. She danced and jumped all around the tree until it fell over.

“Uh, Oh…it fell down. Go boom”

So we hauled it off to the shaking and wrapping station. Loaded it in and headed home. Jude passed out. Once we made it home we got it in the stand (Swivel straight is the best invention in yuletide history) and let it sit to let the ice melt off while we took some time to thaw out ourselves.

We spent the better part of the afternoon adding the lights.
Then adding the bows.
The adding the ornaments.
Then learning that you can’t put all the ornaments on the same branch.
Then moving said ornaments.
And by nightfall we had:

THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS TREE!

For the Trolls

Hi.

General wisdom is that I am not supposed to acknowledge your existence. “Don’t feed the trolls” they say (They being the rest of the internet, you should go look at it, it’s vast). But I am. You are here.

Hello.

You are reading a blog about adoption. I thought it was obvious in the title. I overestimated something somewhere. Oops. My bad. This is a blog that centers around adoption. Comments about things not related to it (even in a small degree) will be deleted. This includes (but is not limited to) pornography, sex toys, dating sites, mail-order brides, sending money to you to help you with your scheme so I can get millions of dollars in return (sorry Your Royal Highness…I forgot which country you said you were from).

Yes, that is right. All comments on this blog are moderated. That means I censor them. I know. I’m evil.

Would you like a look into my mind into what I moderate? In addition to above (which is generally known as Spam) I delete comments that are personal attacks with no basis in fact. I DO NOT delete comments that are divergent to my opinion but are well-constructed and intelligent. Unfortunately this has only happened once in 2 years.

In (probably futile) hope of lowering the amount of comments that I delete I would also like to point out to trolls, cyber-bullies, robots, etc. that your IP address is recorded when you comment. It is kind of like signing “Anonymous” in your own blood. Genius. (Fun fact: I even know where some of my more, ahem, frequent visitors are from, and what ISP they have. It takes about a minute to figure it out). Lesson: keep it civil, please.

But some of you have repeat pressing concerns (though typically not eloquently articulated). Let me address some of the more common themes.

Am I aware that there are better ways to help over 100 million orphans than adopting?
Duh.
But most of these ideas would require a far more advanced society based on a utopian-like empathy and kindness. There are excellent ideas. Absolutely stellar. But we don’t live in the “It’s a Small World” ride. It won’t happen in my lifetime. Some of these comments are excellent proof why the planet may be headed in the exact opposite direction. Where we stand, today, adoption is the system that we have to help. And I am able and willing to help. Full stop.

I am an adoptee and I don’t agree with adoption/international adoption/think you are the devil incarnate etc.
You are entitled to your opinion. Some of you have told some awful stories and I empathize but so far 100% of you assume that I have never met an adult adoptee in my life. I am surrounded by them. My own mother is one. ALL OF THEM have been massively supportive of the adoption. Many of them are actively involved in my children’s lives. I am listening to the adult adoptees in my life and following their advice.

Couldn’t my time and effort be better spent helping birthmothers keep their children?
Part of my job is caring for a significantly large pediatric panel who has involvement with the Maine DHHS. In the 4 years that I have had this position though many of my younger patients have been in foster care; to date NONE have been permanently removed from their birthfamilies. Repeat: None. In short, I do spent a significant amount of time and effort helping to keep families intact. I even was a foster parent for two years and saw both children reunited with their birthfamilies.

Why don’t I just adopt from the US?
I have written pretty extensively here that I TRIED TO. I too saw the ads that “families are needed for waiting children” I took the classes and had the homestudy and had a glowing approval and submitted our homestudy for review of over a dozen waiting children/siblings all over the USA over the course of 2 years. We went nowhere each time. Simple truth: it is not as easy as advertised.

I shouldn’t have adopted if I work full-time.
Welcome to the 21st century. Women work. Mothers work. If I didn’t, there would likely be an equal amount of you upset that I was a single person who was unemployed.

I shouldn’t have adopted as a single woman.
Again, I can’t please all of you. I’m sure at least one person would be ornery if I got married.

People shouldn’t adopt if they have to use grants/loans/fundraising.
It’s awesome that somewhere out in the interweb people just have piles of cash lying around. I am not among these fortunate individuals. I make a good income. I’m not rich. I’m a nurse. I never will be rich. But we do make enough to live and have the things we need. And I am happy with that. I make enough to easily support children. So why shouldn’t I raise a family? Coming up with large sums is difficult. The cost of a child’s adoption in our case is comparable to the cost of a child’s college education. A parent isn’t berated if they cannot come up with the full amount up front in cash. There are loans and scholarships/grants to access to help defray the cost. People don’t have kids just because they cannot afford to pay for college in cash. Why is the adopting parent chastised when they attempt to access similar means to provide a child a stable home? Are family and education not equally important?

You shouldn’t have adopted if you have cats…
You, my friend, crossed a line. There is an unwritten rule of the internet that you never say anything bad about somebody’s cats. Remember Grumpy Cat? That probably started off as somebody making fun of her and now she is a megastar. I think she even has a TV series. Cats OWN the internet. And really, just what?

Random thoughts:

I understand spelling and grammar mistakes but sometimes I can’t even make out if you are speaking in English. Are you drunk? Are you Yoda? Did Google Translate have an epic fail? I don’t understand.

If I don’t moderate your comment right away something magical is happening: I AM LIVING LIFE IN THE REAL WORLD. Sometimes it is happy things like spending time with my kids and birthdays and going to the beach. Sometimes it is much darker like telling someone that they have cancer, or doing CPR, or trying to get an ambulance to someone’s home. This blog is what I do when I have super-free time. It is quite literally my last priority.

Funding Adoption #2

If you visit the “Financing Adoption” page of this blog you can get a fairly comprehensive idea of the budget breakdown of Jude’s adoption. Even with all my preparation and saving it wouldn’t have been possible to adopt Jude without outside help. This luckily came in the form of the second grant we applied for. We couldn’t have been more elated.

From the time of Jude’s referral I have been doing whatever planning I could for a second (and final) adoption. We anticipated that we would start this adoption next summer. With that timeframe I anticipated that I would be able to fund 100% of the adoption expenses myself, drawing from various resources. Frankly, drawing from ALL the resources at my personal disposal.

Then I saw her…
Life changed in a moment.

I knew that things would be tight coming up with her fees as they come due. That we weren’t as ready as I wanted us to be. At the same time she is perfect for us and I feel that we are perfect for her. Was the timing perfect? No. But that is life. Already we have had some help as our placing agency has discounted their case management fees due to her special needs.
Drawing from the same resources on our new timeframe I should be able to cover aprox 80%+ of her adoption expenses myself. But we are not fully funded. By the end there will be several thousand dollars that I will need to come up with (out of thin air?).

So I have started researching adoption grants (again). Due to a combination of factors (none of them related to income) it would appear that our family is eligible to apply for 3.
Dozens (if not hundreds) of grants out there for adoption and we can only try for 3. While I am hopeful, I am also realistic. Our odds we not good at getting a grant last time. When we did it felt like we won the lottery. Today I filled out an application to start a fundraising platform for this adoption, hopefully we can get this up and running in the very near future.

I know extremely little about fundraising. And the fundraising efforts of Jude’s adoption were minimally successful, and felt awkward at best. It will be an interesting next year.

She is worth it. She is worth the grant letter writing, she is worth the asking for help.

Any child is.

She’s a Maine-ah!

Jude’s birth certificate as issued by the state of Maine came today. Yes it looks a bit different than a native born birth certificate but still. When she is an adult she can have the same fun with the vital records office as everyone else does around these parts.

Jude was already a Maine-ah before this though.

One of her first English language words after we arrived home wasn’t “car” it was “cah”. As it should be.

She has gone swimming in the Atlantic ocean until adults had to forcibly remove her from the water because her lips were turning blue. Once she returned to a normal color she was allowed back in (Maine swimming rules)

She loves camping. She has her own (LL Bean) sleeping bag. In one of my parenting fails she thinks that tent stakes are called “dammit”.

She has been molded to recognize that the only kind of baked beans are B&M baked beans.

She is already getting pretty good at ripping apart her own lobster (yes, my toddler will eat lobster, how cool is that!)

Part of her daily routine is helping her Grammy Kitty with the chickens.

She has already figured out (in the past two weeks) that she can only wear her winter boots outside now. She knows to take them off immediately upon entering the house.

She is starting to associate the Channel 6 storm center music with snow. (They can never change that music, generations won’t know what to do if they did)

She has learned to wave at people in cars when you cross the street.

This weekend we will teach her one of the most sacred of Maine traditions: how to go out in the woods and hunt…for the perfect Christmas tree.

Happy Meetcha Day!

In a few hours it will be 1 year since I met little Jude.

Here is the story: I was nervous and kinda had that you-were-airsick-yesterday-and-now-you-aren’t-exactly-best-friends-with-food thing going on. I think I managed a little bit of mint tea and a piece of toast. I am still quite annoyed that they don’t have Ginger Ale east Newfoundland. One can of Canada Dry and all would have been right in my world. I digress. After breakfast our translator told us the place where we were meeting wasn’t far, just a short walk. I was happy to walk. It calmed my nerves. We got a little lost so were a few minutes late. At 10:02 I walked into the the small waiting area of the social services office in Hisarya and there was Jude with her foster family. Right there in the waiting room! I hadn’t expected to run into her like this (and I don’t think the social services people had expected it either). So out first meeting took place right there. What did she do when she first saw me? Nothing. Kinda ignored me actually. We were able to snap our first photo about 15 minutes later when all the paperwork clearances had been signed.

What have I learned since that day? Well, first off. I have never seen Jude as sick as she was on that trip. Turns out she had influenza/pneumonia while we were there. She actually napped in the morning during one of our visits. Knowing what I know now and how often she naps/sleeps she must have literally been on her death bed. If I had known, we would have visited a different week. The only other time I have seen Jude sick was during pick-up trip she was recovering from the Chickenpox. Since then she has (knock on wood) been super-healthy. She hasn’t even caught any of the viruses I have dragged home from the medical clinic.
I knew how painful at the time having her in the visit room was. She hated it. What I didn’t understand was that we were somehow (barely) containing a force of nature. If you asked me today to keep Jude in that room for 3 hours a day for a whole week with up to 9 adults I would respectfully request to be drunk or medicated (or both) first.
I have learned that Jude liked me from the first day. I knew that she had warmed to me by the end of day 2 when we were on that trip. It wasn’t until I had her home for some time and rewatched the videos (after I knew her well) that I understood that she really did like me within the first 30 minutes or so. She LOVED us by day 2.

I have learned that I can and will do anything for my child(ren). I have learned what I can endure. I have learned what true patience is. I have learned that love is stronger than blood. I am the luckiest Mom in the world.

Crash course in Christmas

When you have been an adult for a while you forget about ALL the tiny details about Christmastime.

Add that to the fact that that in the 20 years since I was in the Santa Claus prime market set they have added and updated a few things.

Stir in a little I-didn’t-start-out-in-the-baby-years and WHAMO. Hello childhood Christmas memory making.

In all fairness I did know about Jude last Christmas so I have had some prep time. It started with my introduction to Elf on the Shelf. I had never heard of this phenomenon before. Then friends told me about the stuffed Elf that is trained in yuletide espionage. What. The. Hell. I drew the line there. Just no. Apparently I either 1.) don’t run my own life and am the subject of one of the best practical jokes in the history of Christmas or 2.) that elf truly is alive because when I brought the Christmas decorations out of storage in the attic over the weekend one of those elves was in there AND I DIDN’T PUT IT THERE! Of course Jude saw it and instantly fell in love with the thing. Now I am moving an elf around the house at night warning it that if it so much as moves one millimeter from where I put it I will burn it and tell Jude that it got homesick and had to go back to the North Pole.

Pinterest. You suck. I will never be that crafty even if I quit my job and attempt this crap full time. Please stop filling my sister’s inbox with these cute ideas that she can pull off and that I then have to “pinterest fail” for my child just so the cousins can feel equal and fair. Although I will give you props for the Christmas Eve box. That idea was good, and I could just buy things (not make them).

Jude doesn’t understand why I want to erect a tree in the living room. She pointed out that we have a perfectly fine faux ficus collecting dust in the dining room. I can’t deny the logic.

I can’t quite gauge Jude’s take on Santa Claus. She tells me that her foster brother told her about Santa (though she lacks the language skills to really get into too much detail). She thinks that he will bring food and put it in her shoes. I think that this is indeed the custom in Bulgaria however when I ask if she wants to go see Santa she invariably says no and really seems uninterested in him.

I decorated the house over the weekend. I know Jude has seen Christmas decorations before because we saw them together on our few outings in her village this time last year. She got about as excited as she does when I clean every week. Hmmm.

She does enjoy the holiday music. Especially when we are driving. She will hear any song and try to sing along.

Thanksgiving

I have a lot to be thankful for.

This time last year I was 48 hours away from boarding a plane to go meet Jude. At present, she is experiencing her first Turkey coma on the pull-out at my parents’ house.

When she wakes up we will have some pie.

Or as she has been saying since I made them yesterday: PPPIIIIEEEE!!!!

I am so grateful to so many people for everything over the past year. So many friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances and total strangers were instrumental in the odyssey that has been the last year of our lives. Many of you are freely lining up to take the journey with us once again over the course of the next year and again we couldn’t be more blessed to be surrounded by such amazing souls.

While this day last year I was full of anxiety, today there is nothing but peace.

Happy Thanksgiving from our family to yours.

In the “little wait”

Our little family is waiting for the news any day now that little sister’s file is officially on hold for us. Nothing like the big wait for Jude’s referral but still a wait nonetheless.

5 months home

This post is long overdue and I certainly don’t intend to become a once monthly blogger. Needed to take a break to set real life in order (specifically nighttimes/bedtimes) but since that seems to be getting better here is what we have been up to:

Halloween

Jude was the cutest little witch in the neighborhood. Trick or treating took a little getting used to. At first I had to trick her into thinking we were just going for a walk. The shock on her face when I rang the first few doorbells was PRICELESS.

The next day was unquestionably the start of Maine winter. And I had been waiting a bit to see where Jude would be when it did start to buy the final few essentials (mainly boots). So quick trip to Kmart the next morning and I had one styling girl.

Who continued to insist wearing her new boots and hat well into the afternoon…

And into the evening…

Thankfully I was able to remove them both by bedtime. But Wow!

Readoption

Jude’s readoption was Monday November 3rd. Return of the nervous stomach (although I had absolutely nothing to be nervous about). It actually turned out to be a fun time for my whole family. The children were given free reign over the courtroom and the entire hearing was about 15 minutes. Afterwards we were able to take this photo with Judge Mitchell which will absolutely be going in Jude’s memory book. And Jude has a new adoption decree (although her Bulgarian adoption decreee is still very much vaild) and will be receiving a Maine-issued birth certificate shortly.

5 months home

On November 16th it has been 5 months since we picked up Jude. The progress she has made is nothing short of extraoridinary. She has gained 5.5 pounds, 4.75 inches, has gone from size 9-12 months to 2T, has gone from shoe size 6 to shoe size 8 and is every bit a blossoming toddler.

3rd Birthday!!!

Jude turned 3 on Wednesday November 19th. It was a joyous day in sharp contrast to the lonely cupcake I ate in pseudo celebration for her last year. Although attempts were made to celebrate her 1st and 2nd birthdays in Bulgaria I know that she was upset at the celebration last year and I am not sure she can recall the doll and cake that were given to her at the Plovdiv orphanage

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It is really amazing to reflect back and see that a year ago we were in full-on screech mode to leave to meet “Baby Jude” and now I really cannot remember what life was like here without her.

What is Next?

Well we have Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the Maine winter (I failed to mention that Jude cried when she woke up to a blanket of snow for the first time, I could empathize).

Thursday, without warning, we saw the file of another precious little girl (who turns 2 years old today). It took less that 10 minutes to know that it was time to make the big leap again. We sent the commitment paperwork onto the ministry of justice in Bulgaria yesterday and we will wait for the next two weeks or so (very anxiously I might add) to see if we will be chosen to be her family. Stayed tuned to see where our adventure will continue…

4 (plus) months

I don’t even know where to begin with this post.

Jude is sleeping in her own bed at the moment. We have been trying this out here and there over the past few weeks. Partly because I am going slightly crazy after 4 months not sleeping next to a child with a sleep disorder. Partly because I have been in enough meetings about Ebola lately that the thought had crossed my mind that if something should go random at work I wouldn’t want Jude to be traumatized (again) by suddenly having to sleep alone while I submit to voluntary ( or otherwise) quarantine. And partly because I have been having a minor medical problem and I think I have been waking her up at night sometimes.

However, as predicted…this has not been easy. Ain’t nobody can tantrum like a newly adopted toddler and frankly I am surprised I have not yet seen the city police department yet. I have my explanation all prepared for when they do eventually arrive. I hope that they show up while she is shrieking “No night night” at 150 decibels. I’ll film the whole thing including the part where she gets so angry at her own echo in the hall that her face turns purple. We’ll watch it on holidays when she is a teenager. And sleeping more than 2 hours in a row.

Until then and besides that things are moving along. Jude’s first post placement report is all done. We will wrap up Jude’s foreign adoption recognition with a formal hearing on Monday. After that we have one last thing to do: get Jude an American passport.

In some smaller milestones: Jude is now drinking from an open cup. She is learning to floss her teeth. And she now allows me to brush and comb her hair without fussing.

We have a busy few months ahead too. Starting Friday. First Halloween. Haven’t quite figured out how to get her excited about it yet especially where she doesn’t particularly like candy. Now if only my neighbors would hand out V8 and string cheese.