Hope

Teaching Jude to speak the English language was actually a lot easier than I ever imagined such a task would be.
I pride myself that in doing so I never reverted to “baby talk” and that even though I would explain complex words to Jude so she can understand, I also have not simplified my vocabulary for her. Even though I am from Maine my accent is actually quite subdued so my enunciation of words is generally considered correct.
As a result Jude speaks frequently, she will use grammatically correct complete sentences, and her vocabulary is vast.
But along the way something went wrong…
I don’t know what happened but I am the only person that can understand 100% of what she says. My Mum can understand probably greater than 90%, with other family members it get less…perhaps 50-75%. If you don’t know her and speech and language with the preschool population is your thing you will only understand Jude 20% of the time on a good day.
Jude has superb receptive language skills. Her intelligence is at least on target for her age so I can see that the inability to express herself has started to become exceptionally frustrating for her.
This means that in most settings I am still acting as a translator for her. And there have been situations with therapists where I will legitimately just sit in the room and translate everything that she says. Word. For. Word. It can be awkward but I also don’t want to censor her especially since oftentimes I am the link between her and the world at large. But I can’t (and won’t) do this forever.
Whatever happened. Wherever we are at now. I have stalled. We need help. However what we have struggled with is Jude has some leftover post institutionalalization fears which manifest now into a basic inability for her to function in places like doctor offices, school classrooms, the crib aisle at Babies R Us. Unfortunately most people who can help us work in spaces that don’t work for Jude.
Until Yesterday.
Yesterday we found the one.
She has a small room in her own home, she has years of experience, and Jude’s group is going to be one other (Russian) adoptee.
Jude has had 2 sessions (yesterday and today) and already appears a bit clearer with a few things and is using waaaay more pronouns.
Jude loves it and is excited to go back. I am thrilled.
Jude has a lot going on. And I have always known that there is no way to correct it all. But if this can happen for her, if somehow we can give her the tools to express her fabulous mind then I think I will be able to give my child the American Dream…Freedom.

The adoption is moving along…

I know it doesn’t seem it from the outside but Gabriel’s adoption has been moving along.

It just has been different this time around as we have known about her from the start. In a way, this has made it seem longer and slower. All that is about to change.

On May 11, our (finally translated) dossier was submitted to the MOJ.

On May 12, we quietly celebrated the 1 year anniversary of Jude’s official inclusion into the family.

On May 14, (unbeknownst to me) the IAC met and officially referred Gabriel to us. (I think this was the 318th IAC meeting. I will have to wait for the results to be published to know for sure. Once they are I will list them in a blog post here).

On May 16, we marked 11 months of Jude being home!

Yesterday (May 25) while we were wrapping up a project that I actually tried to do 2 YEARS AGO (somewhere back in this blog is my entry on “the hill” as I write this, the hill definitely lost this round. I just have a few bags of mulch to add and HGTV can come over and take photos) I got the e-mail letting be know that Gabriel was referred to us on the 14th. We don’t have the paperwork or “written referral” yet. I expect that will come late next week. However, Trip 1 is imminent. Hopefully June.

Once we receive our written referral next week Gabriel’s adoption process should closely mimic Jude’s.
It took 6.5 months in between trips to get Jude. We are hoping that Gabriel’s timeframe will run closer to the faster-middle of the average of 4-6 months.

Blogging about the first trip is hard. To be upfront, there will be no photos of Gabriel or the village/city/orphanage she is living in. There will be no identifying information of her location mentioned. So, to censor myself. Trip 1 post is a heavily redacted post that is done after we arrive back home.
In retrospect, I loved meeting Jude. I got to see her earlier in her life than I otherwise would have. But, Jude, I do not think, had any real memories of me from the first trip. We played some. It was fun, except when she got bored with me (a strange lady who she couldn’t even understand) and thought that playing in the toilet was a better alternative. She recognized us from the photos that were left behind. Her behavior when we were visiting her was not a true reflection of her personality. Jude was horribly frightened of the visit room and of at least one of the social workers. We had a better understanding of Jude’s true personality after she had been with us for 10 straight hours on pickup day.
I too look forward to meeting Gabriel. To seeing her now. I am adopting a toddler. I have already made up my mind, so I wish I could somehow tell her that it is OK for her to be a 2 year-old. Trip 1 is a formality. I will also leave a photo book that is cleverly designed to me enticing to toddlers. I hope that she will engage with it often as there is no foster mother this time to review it with her daily. I hope that when we return, like with Jude, we do not seem totally alien. I look forward to trip 2 when I will actually get to begin the lifelong bonding process.

On Jude’s birthmom

As mother’s day approaches I wish to send a very sincere thank you out into the world to Jude’s birthmother for Jude.
I haven’t spoken much about her here for many reasons, perhaps the strongest being that she belongs to Jude’s story and it is up to Jude how much and when (if ever) she wishes to share about what we know with the world.
I hope that Jude’s birthmom is well. I hope that she knows, somehow, that Jude is safe, happy, and loved. But most of all, knowing that all adoption starts from loss, I hope that wherever she is, she is free of pain and her mind is at peace.