Article 5

I am told that we have finally received the Article 5 approval.

In a nutshell, this means that the US embassy agrees with everyone else and states that the adoption can proceed. This is important because it is the final approval needed to move the adoption forward in Bulgaria.

Yes, that is right. The USA is finally letting me adopt Jude. All this time since we have gotten home and we have been waiting: it has been for good old Uncle Sam to do whatever the heck it is that they do.

Now Bulgaria gets to get down to the actual business of letting me adopt my child. Suprisingly (usually) they can accomplish far more in far less time: they can have a high level official sign off on her file move her file from their Ministry of Justice to their Court System, assign a court date, hold court (making us a family), issue an adoption decree, issue a new birth certificate, and issue a new passport all in the about the same time (possibly less time) than it took the USA to essentially look at my paperwork mutiple times and say “Yup, you can adopt, but this guy needs to say the same thing too.”

Efficient.

Anyway. It’s over now. In the past. I need to let it go.

Poof. Gone.

It’s also high time I let go of my insecurities and superstitions and get some things done. Like finish Jude’s room. I am going to work on doing everything that needs to be done except one thing. Last March I bought wooden mobiles, and I am going to save that one special thing until we pass court. But after I finish writing this blog post I am going to work on moving her clothes into the dresser into that room. I finished her baby registry and told my family and friends. House is baby-proofed. I am going to make one last Ikea run in the next couple of weeks. Once the snow has melted and the ground thaws (hopefully before she comes home, but at the rate this winter is going it is a toss-up) I am going to bribe my sister into helping me assemble the swingset.

It is also time for me to start prognosticating: I am thinking our “Gotcha Day” will land somewhere between May 2nd – June 5th.

Before then however we won’t have much news for the next month or so. It seems to take about a month for news on a signature, however once you do get a signature you typically get information on when your court date will be at the same time.

Dragging on…

Have nothing new to report. Still waiting on Article 5. It is still winter. In fact, next week will be the start of Winter Month # 5.

So done with waiting. Each day seems grayer and longer than the day before. I have been trying to work almost every Saturday now to help trick myself into being occupied. It isn’t helping. This winter, unrelenting cold and snow, isn’t helping my dismal mood any.

In a way, this wait is a bit easier than the wait for a referral. I do know that there is an end, likely only a few months away. I know whom I am waiting for now. She is real and no longer a dream child living in my imagination.

But it seems impossible to believe that the waiting for a referral ever seemed this long. Minutes take days to pass, hours take weeks. It already feels like it’s been forever since I kissed her goodbye in early December. At this point it still feels like eons until I get to go back and finally bring her home.

There is nothing left to do here. I am, we are, absolutely ready for her arrival. We are just left frozen in a suspended animation until one day, hopefully soon…

But it won’t come soon enough for me.

The Photo

This post has nothing to do with adoption.

Back in October I took a trip with friends to Salem, Massachusetts for my “babymoon” trip. We had a great time. But something strange did (OK a lot of strange) happened on that trip. One of the more startling strage centers around a photo I took in Salem.

Some background on me: despite an embarassing love for the show Ancient Aliens it really takes a lot of evidence, SCIENTIFIC evidence to convince me of anything. For the most part I found Salem to be a weekend-long Halloween-party with girls. It was silly and ridiculous but a good time. But what I really found faciniating what the history parts/walks/and tours. Believe in ghosts or not this plays a big part of Salem’s history and it was neat to not only hear the ghost story to but see the guide say “and they say that the ghost is seen in that window” or “runs out of this door and into this road”

On one tour we were taken past the “Joshua Ward House”. I won’t go into too much detail because there are literally hundreds of websites devoted to this historical home on the internet; however the history dates back to the 1600s through the American Revolution. However it is also well known for a fairly disturbing photo (that our guide had us Google during the tour) taken in the 1970s. We zoomed through this site fairly quickly on our tour that Saturday, so we all wished to revisit it on Sunday October 27, 2013 before we started our trip back home to Maine. Revisit it we did.

It is a beautiful house. Out of respect for the unknown tourists that are in some of these photos I won’t post some of the wide shots I have. I did however walk up on the front lawn because I wanted to get a photo to show my Mum of the ivy that climbs up the brickwork of the house. I framed the shot was able to cut out all but one of the green leaves of the tree I was roughly standing under (you can see in the photo above that despite late October most of the leaves were still green there). The image froze for a split second to grab the image and I was satisfied. This is how I take my photos on my phone (Nokia Lumia 521). Never an issue.

It wasn’t until a couple hours later when I was roughly scrunched in the third row seat somewhere in southern Maine when I decided to go through all the photos from the past weekend that I came across the image again. There was something starkly different about it this time and there was something there that I assert HAD NOT been there when I took the photo. I noticed it instantly. It has been discussed amongst family and friends for the past few months. Theories abound. Truth is, I don’t know what the object shown in this photo is. None of us do. At first I thought it was a leaf. Except the object when I enlarged it, appeared to be behind the gutter on the roof. Maybe. I don’t know.

This object has been hotly debated amongst all of us on the trip, amongst my friends and first glance it DOES appear to be a leaf. When the photo is englarged the object APPEARS to be BEHIND the gutter on the roof to some, other think not. It looks like it comes directly out of the gutter to me.

Since we are all at a loss, I am open to suggestions. Placing it out on the internet as we simply don’t know what to do with this perplexing image anymore.

So here is the image in question. Taken 10-27-13 at 12:30 PM on the front lawn of the Joshua Ward House in Salem Massachusetts. Weather: Partly Cloudy, with little to no wind. I think it was about low 50s that day. I am open to any/all theories. Even giant leaf one. JUST TELL ME WHAT THE HECK THIS IS!

Object Enlarged

Adoption Scams

I moderate comments on this blog. Mostly to prevent the people trying to sell diet products and sex toys from hijacking the comments sections (and my, aren’t there a lot of you that stop by). This comment came in today and got me thinking. It really isn’t worthy of being placed in the comments section. It deserves an entire post:

“New comment waiting approval on Bulgaria to Maine Adoption
Bon commented on:

Financing Adoption

When all is said and done I’m estimating that this adoption will cost $35,000 – $36,000.

If you are reading this and are …

i AM VERY LEERY OF THE BULGARIAN EXPENSIVE ADOPTION SYSTEM. IT SOUNDS LIKE A SCAM AND TAKING ADVANTAGE OF DESPERATE PEOPLE i WOULD LIKE TO CHECK ON THE LEGALITY OF THIS OPERATION.

Approve Trash | Mark as Spam

More information about Bon

IP: 71.215.32.14, 71-215-32-14.omah.qwest.net
E-mail: bonburdine@gmail.com
URL:
Whois: http://whois.arin.net/rest/ip/71.215.32.14

Thanks for flying with WordPress.com

So let me break down Bon’s concern’s. Am I being scammed?
The extremely short answer is: No
The slightly longer answer is: Not anymore
The more complicated answer is: Not likely, but if I am, it probably isn’t by who Bon suspects.

Let me explain.

My adoption is expensive. Make no mistake about it. But Bulgarian adoptions when looked at on the world stage are amongst the LEAST expensive international adoptions. Again: LEAST EXPENSIVE. And I know where the money goes. For the better part of 8 days we had a woman with a Master’s degree travelling with us, at our beck and call 24 hours a day on our first trip, we have a lawyer working to bring our daughter home. I have a caseworker (Bless you Allison) who has to deal with neurotic ME. Who is occasionally (scratch that, CONTANTLY) up at all hours of the day and night asking complicated and absurd questions. Writing these lengthy e-mails. AND ALLISON ALWAYS E-MAILS ME BACK WITHIN 20 MINUTES. Always. I have a social worker (The lovely Lee) who has put in countless hours on our case, who travels many hours to get to my home, and accomodates my schedule by always doing my home visits on the weekends so I don’t have to miss work. Then there is Jessica at St. Andre’s who is just AMAZING. Not to mention all of the people at Happy Family and One World that I probably don’t even KNOW about. All these man hours put in my all these highly educated people just so that my daughter can come and live with me. I WOULD HOPE THAT THEY WOULD BE FAIRLY PAID. I question at this point given how much trouble I’ve been if they are even making minimum wage. So there is that part. There is also the part that this is not a scam because: I’ve gone there. I’ve met Jude. I’ve met her foster parents, I’ve met her social workers. I’ve seen the village where she lives. I know her address (I then looked it up on Google Maps and I know what the roof looks like). I know her birthname, her identity code number. Her life story. I know her favorite food. Her shoe size. What she does when she’s tired. It’s not a scam…well not anymore

If you’ve read back in this blog you’ve read some of the entries on Adoption Ark (my original placing agency). Some of the employees there were/are fine people and were just as hurt in that mess as I and many other adopting families were. To revisit, mere days before my dossier was submitted Adoption Ark closed and never returned over $1,800 of my post-placement deposit (which is one reason why this adoption is on the expensive side of Bulgarian Adoptions in general). I have hesitated to say that I was scammed. I do not think the two employees I ever delt with in this agency had any involvement with what was going on. The experience forever changed my outlook on international adoptions and I don’t trust easily anymore (poor Allison has had to live with the fallout that is my paranoia, again she has been great!).

Bon’s main concern seem to be about the legitimacy of the fees. I feel (as I stated just above) that the legitimacy of the AGENCY fees are well justified, however what many do not realize is that there are a lot of other fees. Miscallenous fees. I AGREE with Bon on many of these and would like to call these into question now. What Bon may not realize, what I didn’t realize when I started this adoption is that these fees aren’t charged by the adoption agencies. They aren’t charged by Bulgaria. They aren’t charged by my daughter’s foster parents (or orphanage). These fees are charged by the US GOVERNMENT and State Government. Don’t believe me? Read on for the breakdown of fees I have paid to the government for this adoption:
Fee paid to US Customs and Immigration in 2012 for I-800A (approval to adopt): $720.00
Fee paid to US Customs and Immigration in 2012 to have electronic fingerprints done for I-800A: $85.00
Fee paid to Federal Bureau of Investigation in 2012 to have Background check done: $18.00
Fee paid to local police department in 2012 to have fingerprints done: $10.00
Fee paid to Maine Department of Health and Human Services in 2012 for Child Protective Clearance Background Check: $15.00
Fee paid to Maine State Bureau of Investigation in 2012 to have Background check done: $41.00
Fee paid to Maine Bureau of Motor Vehicles in 2012 to have Driving Record Check done: $10.00
Fee paid to Department of State in 2012 to have documents Apostilled: $8.00
Fee paid to Maine Secretary of State in 2012 to have documents Apostilled: $130.00
Fee paid to US Customs and Immigration in 2013 for I-800A (approval to adopt) UPDATE: $360.00
Fee paid to US Customs and Immigration in 2013 to have electronic fingerprints done for I-800A update: $85.00
Fee paid to Federal Bureau of Investigation in 2013 to have background checks done: $36.00
Fee paid to local police department in 2013 to have fingerprints done: $20.00
Fee paid to Maine Department of Health and Human Services in 2013 for Child Protective Clearance Background check: $30.00
Fee Paid to Maine State Bureau of Investigation in 2013 to have background check done: $82.00
Fee paid to Maine Bureau of Motor Vehicles in 2013 to have driving record check done: $20.00
Fee paid to Department of State in 2013/2014 to have documents apostilled: $16.00
Fee paid to Maine Secretary of State in 2013/2014 to have documents apostilled: $30.00

And this doesn’t include the fees still to be paid:
Fee to US Embassy of $230.00 for Jude’s Visa
And (Here’s the one that really irks me) a fee of aprox $200-$300 paid to a medical provider of the Embassy’s choice (not covered by Health Insurance, which Jude has) for a “Panel Physcian’s assessment” and Tuberculosis testing. Here is why it is ridiculous: Jude will be seen by her pediatrician (whom I work with and trust) within a week of coming home AND she has been vaccinated against TB 10 months ago (it is also very likely that we will test her again once she is in the US). I have also heard sories that these assessments barely inclue a physical assesment at all. Mostly just paperwork. Seriously, if it is just paperwork…I can do that (Heck I DO do that…EVERYDAY)

So I have paid (are you ready?): $1,716.00 to my own government to adopt my daughter (with another $430-$530 to go). And why? (Especially with the more expensive items) They didn’t do much work? They simply copied my homestudy or all the work that Allison did! I cannot see the justification in cost on some of these items. In the end: Roughly 6% of the total adoption costs went to the government that I already give taxes to.

Yes Bon, there are Adoption scams. I have seen them up close and personal. But the scams do not lie in Bulgaria…

On strollers…

In the past I have never been a fan of strollers. I have survived the parenthood of two toddler foster children without owning (or feeling the need to own) a stroller. In the past I have relied predominately on 3 things: my ErgoBaby carrier, a wagon, and allowing my foster children to walk while tethered on what we call “the monkey leash” (a monkey harness contraption that in effect acts as a leash for a toddler).

2 of these things aren’t an option in Bulgaria: my beloved wagon won’t fit on the plane and Jude is not big enough to fit into the monkey leash yet (plus I’m not comfortable using it in another country, or really using that frequently in this country for that matter). That leaves us just the Ergo. And a problem. Sort of. Let me Explain:

That’s me. (Bulgaria’s totally cool with my scoliosis/surgery by the way). It usually doesn’t pose an issue. But then again, I usually wouldn’t be presented with the scenario of lugging around an aprox 20 lb person in an ErgoBaby carrier (literally the only carrier I could use) for 10-14 days in a foregin country.

So a stroller has now become a NEED. My first thought was to purchase an inexpensive umbrella stroller upon our arrival in Sofia but then I heard that they cost around $70-$80 US there. I was able to confirm this when I saw a stroller that would sell for about $80 here going for around $200 in the village we were in on trip #1. Buying stroller in Bulgaria idea out.

So we need to bring a stroller. I DON’T want to buy one. I won’t ever use it again, and, I mean, what a waste of money to buy something only to use it for 2 weeks. My sister has a really nice stroller and my parents have an umbrella stoller. So I could borrow one of those. The only issue here is we are already trying to figure how to bring all this stuff over with us on trip #2 (her luggage, her car seat, her clothes, some toys) in addition to all the things that we will need while we are there. It is so much gear that I feel the need to streamline wherever possible. Borrowing Stroller idea, maybe, but I really don’t want to do that either.

Before I purchased the car seat (the Diono Radian R120) I briefly looked into the Sit-n-Stroll. I liked the concept. If you have not seen this it is a car seat that quickly (and efficiently) converts into a stroller and is marketed to those who tend to travel in cars and airplanes. Perfect, however the car seat componet (in my opinion) didn’t justify the cost of the device. There is a another device called the Go Go Babyz Travelmate which is essentially a cart that you can attach your existing car seat on and turn it into a stroller (much like the Sit N Stroll) but again at around $80 I couldn’t justify the cost. BUT IT WOULD SEEM I WAS NOT ALONE. I was getting warmer.

Continuing my lovely Google search it seems that there are some geniuses on this planet. Absolute Geniuses! These uberparents (mostly really creative Dads…giving credit where credit is due) have figured out that metal rolling luggage carts (which you can get at WalMart or on Amazon for $15-$20) can be used in the same fashion to make a stroller out of your convertible car seat (like the Diono Radian R120). I was skeptical at first, but Dad after Dad (and a few Mums) claim that this works great. Well, my own Dad had one of these contraptions sitting in his front closet (Never Used, By the Way). So I followed the online instructions of attaching it to the metal framework using the latch connections. And?

IT WORKS AMAZING! It took like 2 minutes and is super sturdy and stable! My car seat is now also a stroller! I still plan on using the ErgoBaby carrier as much as I can, but I am so happy to not only have a “stroller” but have found a way to cart Jude and her car seat through the airport and onto the plane.

DS 260

This is what the Visa application is called. And as of today, it is in. I never did get notification of my case and invoice number to file this, so note to all those who follow in my footsteps: YOU CAN CALL THEM AND GET IT. If I had known, I probably would have done it days ago. I waited on hold for about 30 minutes, but eventually got a live person, had a brief 2 minute conversation and got what I needed.

Proceed on to the online DS 260 application.

You need: (as the website says) Your case number, your invoice number, and an internet connection.

You will also need (but they don’t tell you): Your sanity, a sense of humor, your adoption caseworkers contact information (because you are going to have questions), the address of where your child is living, all the information you have on their birthparents, all the information you have on them, and (likely) a beer.

I was at work. They don’t let you consume alcohol at the workplace. I was doomed from the start.

Keep in mind that Jude (sweet, innocent Jude) is 26 months old. 26. MONTHS. OLD. I have highlighted some of the more absurd questions on this form for your reading amusement. The federal goverment is lucky they have constructed the answering format as multiple choice. I have listed below how I verbally answered when I read the question and the answer I selected on the form.

Ready? I wasn’t. (When they say “you” I am answering on Jude’s behalf)

Question: Please provide name (meaning Jude’s birthname) in their native alphabet.
Verbal Answer: What the @#%&? I can’t even say it! Translator tripped up pronoucing it. AND WHERE DO I FIND A CRYILLIC KEYBOARD?
Selected Answer: Does not apply/Technology not available

Question: Do you have an address in the United States where you intend to live?
Verbal Answer: Duh.
Selected Answer: Yes.

Question: Do you have any Previous Spouses?
Verbal Answer: (Blank Stare)
Selected Answer: No.

Question: Do you have any children?
Verbal Answer: Do you think they would even notice if I selected yes?
Selected Answer: No.

Question: Have you ever been in the U.S.?
Verbal Answer: Oh Sure!
Selected Answer: No.

Here is when it started to get super-weird. And I started to laugh manically in places. Again: 26 MONTHS OLD!

Question: Have you ever been arrested or convicted for any offense or crime, even though subject of a pardon, amnesty, or other similar action?
Verbal Answer: What the #$&^*?
Selcted Answer: No.

Question: Are you coming to the United States to engage in prostitution or unlawful commercialized vice or have you been engaged in prostitution or procuring prostitutes within the past 10 years?
Verbal Answer: (Slams head on my desk) and selects
Selected Answer: No.

Question: Do you seek to engage in terrorist activities while in the United States or have you ever engaged in terrorist activities?
Verbal Answer: I hope she has a diaper blow-out while we are at the Embassy.
Selected Answer: No.

Question: Are you a member of a terrorist organization?
Verbal Answer: Well, she’s 2. So arguably the answer to this question could be yes. Just based on her age.
Selected Answer: No.

Question: Have you ever commited, incited, assisted, or otherwised participated in torture?
Verbal Answer: Define torture. She is a non-potty trained toddler. This question is too vague.
Selected Answer: No.

There were other excellent questions too. About whether or not she was a healthcare worker, or a medical school graduate, or if she had affilations with Colombian drug lords or some such nonsense. Really? SHE’S TWO! Alot of things come into play here. First off, really, I’m guessing. Sure, I mean I suppose it is plausible she COULD have done all these things…but not very likely. She has a vocabulary of like 3-5 words 2 of which are No, and Mine. So I’m guessing that the other 1-3 words are along those lines too. But I don’t really know her that well. We met each other for a week and our topics of discussion didn’t really hinge on politics or the war on terror or moral positions on crime. We aren’t that far along in our relationship. Secondly, I have no idea what she intends to do with her life. I hope it isn’t any of the things listed here, but again, I don’t know. I also realize that this is a blanket form, but maybe adjusting it for someone who is filling it out for someone who is (I don’t know) under the age of 7 or so would save us all (Federal goverment and me) some time.

I hate government forms. That said, I will never complain about the complexity of filling out my taxes again. Ever.

Dear To Me (You know it’s gonna be all right)

Dear Me (a year ago),

I know you are freaked out right now. Actually you are in the midst of the most epic freakout/meltdown of our 20s (I think I can safely say that as our 20s are almost over). I wish I could hug you right now and give you a glimpse of today, because you would never have believed how far we came in a year. Dear me a year ago, you did good. You navigated us back from off the edge of the map. You faced the monsters head-on. You got us on course and we are nearly there! Thank you.

Dear me ( year from now),

Hi. You did it. Whether today is a good day or a not so good day remember that we did it. And that you likely aren’t spending the night doing something awful like you were the past 2 years. 2013 is mentioned in this blog. 2014 can only be described as “aerosolized cat vomit” and the ensuing late night deep clean. Congrats on making it through the adoption and here is hoping that February 4 doesn’t become a trend of bizarrely cursed happenings.

Signed,

Britt

PS. 30 was awesome right? (I had a feeling it was going to be great)

Just what I needed, when I needed it

Two months since I have seen my baby. It’s rough.

The pictures and videos we took during our trip are what gets me through. The periodic updates from her social workers and foster family are incredibly reassuring, as well as knowing that she is with her foster family and not in an institution. Still, I left part of me behind in that central Bulgarian village.

I try to stay busy and busy during the work day/work week is not a problem. I have been picking up extra Saturday shifts to help with money and to keep myself occupied. Weekends are a different story. I have cleaned. This house is spiffy. This weekend loomed ahead on the calendar. Winter. Nothing to do. Nowhere to go. I slept in. Then I wandered into Jude’s room and refolded her clothes, Looked at her waiting toys (again), and wandered about the house some more.

I had decided to take another crack at shoptska salad (in my opinion feta is not a good substitute for Bulgarian Sirene cheese…I must find the real thing for this to work) when the mail showed up. 1 letter. Note to adopters: when you get a letter from “Department of Homeland Security” this is typically a GOOD thing.

THE I-800 APPROVAL HAS ARRIVED!!!

So relieved. The next step in the process is Jude’s visa (the DS 260) I am told I will get notification and be able to do this online within the next week. Then our case will go to the Embassay in Sofia for review and we will wait for our “Article 5” to be issued.