DS 260

Standard

This is what the Visa application is called. And as of today, it is in. I never did get notification of my case and invoice number to file this, so note to all those who follow in my footsteps: YOU CAN CALL THEM AND GET IT. If I had known, I probably would have done it days ago. I waited on hold for about 30 minutes, but eventually got a live person, had a brief 2 minute conversation and got what I needed.

Proceed on to the online DS 260 application.

You need: (as the website says) Your case number, your invoice number, and an internet connection.

You will also need (but they don’t tell you): Your sanity, a sense of humor, your adoption caseworkers contact information (because you are going to have questions), the address of where your child is living, all the information you have on their birthparents, all the information you have on them, and (likely) a beer.

I was at work. They don’t let you consume alcohol at the workplace. I was doomed from the start.

Keep in mind that Jude (sweet, innocent Jude) is 26 months old. 26. MONTHS. OLD. I have highlighted some of the more absurd questions on this form for your reading amusement. The federal goverment is lucky they have constructed the answering format as multiple choice. I have listed below how I verbally answered when I read the question and the answer I selected on the form.

Ready? I wasn’t. (When they say “you” I am answering on Jude’s behalf)

Question: Please provide name (meaning Jude’s birthname) in their native alphabet.
Verbal Answer: What the @#%&? I can’t even say it! Translator tripped up pronoucing it. AND WHERE DO I FIND A CRYILLIC KEYBOARD?
Selected Answer: Does not apply/Technology not available

Question: Do you have an address in the United States where you intend to live?
Verbal Answer: Duh.
Selected Answer: Yes.

Question: Do you have any Previous Spouses?
Verbal Answer: (Blank Stare)
Selected Answer: No.

Question: Do you have any children?
Verbal Answer: Do you think they would even notice if I selected yes?
Selected Answer: No.

Question: Have you ever been in the U.S.?
Verbal Answer: Oh Sure!
Selected Answer: No.

Here is when it started to get super-weird. And I started to laugh manically in places. Again: 26 MONTHS OLD!

Question: Have you ever been arrested or convicted for any offense or crime, even though subject of a pardon, amnesty, or other similar action?
Verbal Answer: What the #$&^*?
Selcted Answer: No.

Question: Are you coming to the United States to engage in prostitution or unlawful commercialized vice or have you been engaged in prostitution or procuring prostitutes within the past 10 years?
Verbal Answer: (Slams head on my desk) and selects
Selected Answer: No.

Question: Do you seek to engage in terrorist activities while in the United States or have you ever engaged in terrorist activities?
Verbal Answer: I hope she has a diaper blow-out while we are at the Embassy.
Selected Answer: No.

Question: Are you a member of a terrorist organization?
Verbal Answer: Well, she’s 2. So arguably the answer to this question could be yes. Just based on her age.
Selected Answer: No.

Question: Have you ever commited, incited, assisted, or otherwised participated in torture?
Verbal Answer: Define torture. She is a non-potty trained toddler. This question is too vague.
Selected Answer: No.

There were other excellent questions too. About whether or not she was a healthcare worker, or a medical school graduate, or if she had affilations with Colombian drug lords or some such nonsense. Really? SHE’S TWO! Alot of things come into play here. First off, really, I’m guessing. Sure, I mean I suppose it is plausible she COULD have done all these things…but not very likely. She has a vocabulary of like 3-5 words 2 of which are No, and Mine. So I’m guessing that the other 1-3 words are along those lines too. But I don’t really know her that well. We met each other for a week and our topics of discussion didn’t really hinge on politics or the war on terror or moral positions on crime. We aren’t that far along in our relationship. Secondly, I have no idea what she intends to do with her life. I hope it isn’t any of the things listed here, but again, I don’t know. I also realize that this is a blanket form, but maybe adjusting it for someone who is filling it out for someone who is (I don’t know) under the age of 7 or so would save us all (Federal goverment and me) some time.

I hate government forms. That said, I will never complain about the complexity of filling out my taxes again. Ever.

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