Disappointment

Standard

Learned the news this evening that my agency was not able to obtain the files of the children I had inquiried on a couple of weeks ago. While I was prepared for this, it is still disappointing.

But I will stand up, brush myself off, and try again. Just like I always do.

After all…there is paperwork to do. My Mum is working on the FBI fingerprinting and clearance process this week. We are coming along in the homestudy update. We will be scheduling the visit for sometime in the next few weeks, then once the updated document itself is completed we will be updating our I-800a form.

The I-800a update is fairly comprehensive for us this time around. Step 1 is to change our adoption agency on the form. (Remember back in Feburary when I was glad it didn’t need to be done at that time…well the time has come). Also have to add Mum to the approval as she is living here now. And I figured since I was doing A & B (and with adding Mum we have to pay the $360 fee anyway). I figured we would update our special needs form.

While the orginal draft of the form probably had us firmly in the Mild Special needs category, the new updated list puts us in the Moderate Special Needs category, without question, with some Severe special needs listed there too. We are also upping the age limit (to age 6) and removing the notation that mentions “1 child or a sibling set” and requesting 2 siblings or unrelated children.

Why the dramatic change? Well, in regards to the special needs list I realized how much I had got it wrong after reading some of the profiles of children listed with my agency. Then someone pointed out to me a small child on the list with the Bulgarian Ministry of Justice that had extremely similar diagnoses to ones I had at that age. That child had been awaiting adoption for over a year. Yes, I learned that if I too was a child awaiting adoption in Bulgaria I would have been labelled with the term “Severe Special Needs” and life would have been undoubtedly much different for me. However my life turned out wonderfully, and I function as a normal adult. I decided that even before my dossier was registered that we would be updating the special needs list when this Homestudy Update came around. To me it seems utterly sensless to deprive a child born with similar challenges in life the same opportunities and advantages that I have been blessed with. I would happily parent any (and if I had the means…all) of these children if I was given the opportunity.

I don’t know if changing this list will change our projected wait time at all. Back in May we were given an estimate of 12-24 Months from dossier registration for the types of children we requested. Meaning under that estimate we may expect a match 6-18 months from now. I would think (although this week logic and I are not really on speaking terms) that I could expect a shorter wait time than that quote once the dossier update is complete. But I don’t know, and frankly don’t want to know. What would be stupendous is to just get the information on a match of 2 kiddos one day, out of the blue, faster than I ever anticipated and (if my friend has her way) when I’m at work sitting next to her so she can see the reaction on my face. But until that time I really need to learn to be patient (which I’m not very good at now) and Trust that everything happens in it’s own time. Or as a good friend told me recently, go with the flow and don’t try to control or fight it. Just let things happen as they were meant to.

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